A New Year: Reflection on the Past and Looking Forward

Finally, the year 2024 has arrived, and I feel a sense of relief. 2023 was undoubtedly a challenging year for many of us, myself included. It was one of the most difficult years I have ever experienced. However, it taught me an important lesson - that no one can be everything to everyone all the time. Moreover, I learned that family is not limited to biological or blood relations. I have individuals in my life who have continuously demonstrated their willingness to ride the highs and lows of life with me, and for that, I am grateful.

Rather than dwelling on the negative events of the past year, I want to share some of the valuable lessons that I've gained. This year, I am determined to embrace all the blessings and positive things that come my way.

Prioritizing Myself and My Family

I've come to realize that if something doesn't directly affect my family or me, it's irrelevant. In the past, I used to worry about others and how they perceived my actions and words. However, I've learned to let go of that concern. This shift in mindset has drastically reduced my stress levels, which is essential since stress is a major trigger for my Ulcerative Colitis.

Accepting What I Can't Control

I now understand that people will say and do what they please, and I have no control over that. So why stress over something that's out of my control? It's a simple but effective resolution to a complex problem.

Overcoming the Shame of Other People's Actions

It's easy to feel embarrassed or ashamed because of the poor decisions of others, but I refuse to let that define me. In the past, I avoided difficult conversations out of fear of being judged or ridiculed for someone else's actions or behavior. It was only after I realized that I had nothing to be ashamed of that I became more confident and vocal. However, I didn't anticipate that speaking up would lead to others disliking me. This realization caused me many sleepless nights and brought me to tears.

Allow me a moment to be transparent.

Back in June 2023, my husband and I were headed to Gumbeaux’s for dinner. Why driving, I decided to call my father. When he answers the phone, I did’t get the jolly “hello.” Instead, I heard screaming coming from the other end of the phone.

“JESIKAH, SHE BURNED ME, SHE BURN ME UP!”

“What do you mean..burned you up? Burn you where? Did you call 911? Where are you, where is she?” I started firing questions, not even allowing him time to answer.

“I called the police, they’re on the way...Oh God, my skin falling off!” It’s at this moment that Jesus took the wheel.

Due to the ongoing legal matters, I won’t go into details regarding this incident. Ultimately, my father was rushed to the burn unit at the local hospital and my mother was arrested and later released on bond.

Regarding the incident, I cannot provide further information due to ongoing legal proceedings. However, my father was taken to the burn unit at the local hospital, and my mother was arrested and later released on bond.

This is a tough one for me.

As I write these words, tears well up in my eyes as I recall the day that changed everything. It's remarkable how the choices of one person can have such a profound impact on so many others, even indirectly.

However, there was a silver lining to this dark cloud. My father taught me about the true meaning of forgiveness and what it looks like in action. He's been a pastor my entire life, so I knew he was familiar with the Word. But to witness him actually practice what he preached was truly amazing. Despite the situation with my mother, he never spoke ill of her or the circumstances. Instead, he would say, "Vengeance is mine saith the Lord." He was absolutely right, but that doesn't mean I'm not angry.

It's hard to put into words how angry I felt. Even now, the feeling lingers. I was not raised in an environment where physical altercations were acceptable, so witnessing this type of aggression was jarring. While I love both my parents, it was difficult to reconcile my anger with the fact that one had harmed the other. I felt numb.

The numbness was overwhelming, and the only thing I wanted was to retreat to my home and shut out the rest of the world. I was desperate to avoid the pain, to make it disappear, and to pray for it to go away. Unfortunately, this led to the onset of depression, and I found myself in a familiar "place" that I had vowed never to return to.

Thankfully, my husband and loved ones were there to support me on my journey to recovery. But, I couldn't help but question why this happened. Why me? Why them? Why now?

These are difficult questions that I still struggle with...

Join me on my journey of healing as I work to restore my mind, body, and soul.